Very quietly I was sipping a cup of hot coffee in my garden. To add to the sweetness to every sip, I was enjoying the beautiful company of my grandfather, who was giving me some insights on gardening!
As I just stood up, to look at a big bunch of dahlia, a bird from somewhere just fell in front of me. Black in color and half grown up! My gardener came running and took the bird in his hands. “Is it a crow?”” Alive or dead” I asked so many questions as I held the bird in my hands.
And there… the bird opened its eyes. . It’s Koel, The cuckoo bird. My dadaji recognized it because of its distinct feature of long tail and red eyes. Ohh the crow must have pushed him out of the nest because Koel is a brood parasite and lays eggs in nest of other species; especially crow (and crow usually does it when recognizes that it’s not his baby ) said my dadaji .
Before I could put the bird on the floor, OUCH!! There I got a poke form its beak, and my index finger started to bleed. The bird was unable to fly but still trying to safeguard himself, a helpless creature but full of anger. Every time he was trying to fly he was unable to. There was a wound in his leg that was hurting him!!? . I bought some bread crumbs and kept it near to him. Very slowly she ate that! I was happy to see the moment! It filled me with joy. Never before had I felt so complacent!
A very small incident but taught me a big lesson.
A lesson for lifetime.
Very often I used to feel sad and question myself, why do people hurt me when I am trying to help. I used to focus only on my intention and not realizing the pain the other person is going through.
Anger is a natural and mostly automatic response to pain of one form or another (physical or emotional). The Koel, who was in acute pain, bit me out of anger! And I got answers to my so many unanswered questions. Also incidents wherein I stopped talking to people because they behaved with me rudely when I wanted to help them. Today I felt sorry and realized that the one who shows too much anger has a deeper and bigger pain. They reacted because they never wanted to feel it, because it used to hurt them.
So before jumping on to any conclusions we should approach with a calm and quiet heart. Emotional pain is the most difficult to heal. So the heart should be healed more than the mind!! 🙂
I am not saying, that you should allow an angry person, to continue doing the wrong thing that they are doing. Especially to you. Don’t get me wrong, you keep your priorities straight at all times.
What I am saying is, stop investing in their angry energy. Stop getting affected by their rudeness or angry outbursts. Because if you let that happen, two things are sure:
- You will hurt yourself, and feel unhappy yourself.
- The entire focus will shift from what is to be fixed, to how a person is behaving or how you will behave with them.
This is not the solution.
The most important, first step to dealing with anger in your life is-to not invest in the negativity it brings.They are angry because they are hurt. Now their sense of hurt may be entirely wrong, but what to do about it , they are hurt.Just let them be for the time being.
Acknowledge the other person’s anger. Not the reason, but a simple human trait of getting angry. Don’t let their angry behavior affect YOU. You might have also lashed out in anger too, sometime in your life.You were sorry for it later, but NOT at that time. Exactly that way this other person is lashing out. Don’t get hurt by ANYONE’S angry behavior.
Save yourself the pain first.
Then you will be able to solve the problem.